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I'm homeeeeeee ♥
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yasrsly
orly?
08 December 2009 @ 04:52 am
So it's 4:30 in the morning and I woke up because I had a nightmare, and I'm reading over my essay trying to revise it and trying not to think of a hundred other things, and I suppose I got sentimental.
Dear Adi:
I'm sorry I keep missing you on Skype lately. Everything's so busy, and the next few days are going to be the same. I still have to finish this paper and revise this other one and take a final later today. That's not going to be very fun. Then it's off home, finally, but I'll have internet so I'll be able to talk. Even though we'll be six hours away, and not five.
But I just wanted to tell you that you are seriously one of my best friends in the entire world. You're pretty much everything I ever wanted in a bff. Because I know that sometimes I like to hide behind everything, not because I'm scared but because it's so much less troublesome, and I know that when I get upset or when someone disappoints me I like to smile and say "it's okay; it's okay that they disappointed me, because they're people and how could I expect any better?" But in the end I do get hurt, and I'm just lying to myself when I say that I try to have low expectations of others so that I don't get hurt, because I always have high expectations anyway.
Look, what I'm trying to say is this:
You are the only person I've ever met who refuses to take my bullshit and who tries to drag me out anyway. You are the only person I've ever met who would send me a hundred e-mails a day, even though you know it might make me roll my eyes, just because I haven't been around in a week. You're the only person I've ever met who would call me at four in the morning because you want to tell me good news, even though you know I'm asleep and (were I not intelligent enough to keep my volume off at night for this very eventuality) would definitely get up and yell at you and hang up five times before I tell you congratulations and then say UGH and go back to bed. You are the only person I've ever met who pushes me and prods me and pokes me and refuses to let me stay where I am, because YOU want to spend time with me regardless of whether I want to take a nap.
And that is everything I ever wanted in a friend.
Because in the end I'm just this awkward, small, scared little person who wants people to notice her but is too scared of intruding or offending or annoying to make more than a cursory effort, and all I ever wanted was someone who would take that bullshit and not leave. And be selfish with me, and yell at me, and laugh with me, and say "look I don't care if you want to take a nap STAY UP AND KEEP ME COMPANY." All I ever wanted was someone who would like me so much that they'd want to talk to me whenever, and bug me whenever, and who would send me a dozen e-mails yelling at me to get on Skype when they know I'm at work and won't get home until evening.
All I ever wanted was someone who liked me enough to be selfish with me. Who would like me enough to be unselfish with me. Who wants me to spend time with them because somehow, for some reason, they honestly liked me. And you do that, and even though I might have yelled at you and gotten angry if you'd actually woken me up at two in the morning (because really adi YOU CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO BELIEVE THAT IS OKAY), I would have gone to sleep smiling.
You've called airports for me, and you've typed up hand-written essays for me, and you've stayed up for me and been angry for me and been upset for me and been annoying for me, and you've been a bad person for me and you've been a good person for me, and you wrote me terrible, hilarious e-mails about people we don't discuss for me, and you've forced yourself to be brave and told me you were angry at me for me, and...look, I will never be able to tell you how much I love you for that. NOT IN A ROMANTIC WAY SO STOP LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER SCREEN WITH THE GAIUS EYEBROW LOOK OKAY (you told me that once for me, also).
I'm just saying. You are one of my best friends in the entire world. You will never know how much I appreciate everything you do for me. Because in the end, all I ever wanted was someone who would like me enough to not leave, and you are that person.
Yes, I'm crying. Don't make fun of me you whore. You're just as much of a crybaby as I am.
ilu adi. Never change.
Consider this the longer version of the time capsule I wrote you.
If we're still not best friends in ten and twenty and fifty years' time, I will not rest until I make it so that we are again. For everything you've done for me, and everything you've given me, that is the least I can do.
Dear Adi:
I'm sorry I keep missing you on Skype lately. Everything's so busy, and the next few days are going to be the same. I still have to finish this paper and revise this other one and take a final later today. That's not going to be very fun. Then it's off home, finally, but I'll have internet so I'll be able to talk. Even though we'll be six hours away, and not five.
But I just wanted to tell you that you are seriously one of my best friends in the entire world. You're pretty much everything I ever wanted in a bff. Because I know that sometimes I like to hide behind everything, not because I'm scared but because it's so much less troublesome, and I know that when I get upset or when someone disappoints me I like to smile and say "it's okay; it's okay that they disappointed me, because they're people and how could I expect any better?" But in the end I do get hurt, and I'm just lying to myself when I say that I try to have low expectations of others so that I don't get hurt, because I always have high expectations anyway.
Look, what I'm trying to say is this:
You are the only person I've ever met who refuses to take my bullshit and who tries to drag me out anyway. You are the only person I've ever met who would send me a hundred e-mails a day, even though you know it might make me roll my eyes, just because I haven't been around in a week. You're the only person I've ever met who would call me at four in the morning because you want to tell me good news, even though you know I'm asleep and (were I not intelligent enough to keep my volume off at night for this very eventuality) would definitely get up and yell at you and hang up five times before I tell you congratulations and then say UGH and go back to bed. You are the only person I've ever met who pushes me and prods me and pokes me and refuses to let me stay where I am, because YOU want to spend time with me regardless of whether I want to take a nap.
And that is everything I ever wanted in a friend.
Because in the end I'm just this awkward, small, scared little person who wants people to notice her but is too scared of intruding or offending or annoying to make more than a cursory effort, and all I ever wanted was someone who would take that bullshit and not leave. And be selfish with me, and yell at me, and laugh with me, and say "look I don't care if you want to take a nap STAY UP AND KEEP ME COMPANY." All I ever wanted was someone who would like me so much that they'd want to talk to me whenever, and bug me whenever, and who would send me a dozen e-mails yelling at me to get on Skype when they know I'm at work and won't get home until evening.
All I ever wanted was someone who liked me enough to be selfish with me. Who would like me enough to be unselfish with me. Who wants me to spend time with them because somehow, for some reason, they honestly liked me. And you do that, and even though I might have yelled at you and gotten angry if you'd actually woken me up at two in the morning (because really adi YOU CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO BELIEVE THAT IS OKAY), I would have gone to sleep smiling.
You've called airports for me, and you've typed up hand-written essays for me, and you've stayed up for me and been angry for me and been upset for me and been annoying for me, and you've been a bad person for me and you've been a good person for me, and you wrote me terrible, hilarious e-mails about people we don't discuss for me, and you've forced yourself to be brave and told me you were angry at me for me, and...look, I will never be able to tell you how much I love you for that. NOT IN A ROMANTIC WAY SO STOP LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER SCREEN WITH THE GAIUS EYEBROW LOOK OKAY (you told me that once for me, also).
I'm just saying. You are one of my best friends in the entire world. You will never know how much I appreciate everything you do for me. Because in the end, all I ever wanted was someone who would like me enough to not leave, and you are that person.
Yes, I'm crying. Don't make fun of me you whore. You're just as much of a crybaby as I am.
ilu adi. Never change.
Consider this the longer version of the time capsule I wrote you.
If we're still not best friends in ten and twenty and fifty years' time, I will not rest until I make it so that we are again. For everything you've done for me, and everything you've given me, that is the least I can do.